embracing…me

it’s no secret i struggle with being organized and with creating and sticking to a schedule. in personality world, i guess you could call me a type D person (is there that type of person?) whatev, i’m unorganized.

you get that.

here’s the thing. i TRY to be organized. i TRY to make a schedule. i TRY to think ahead. but the fact of the matter is : my brain doesn’t work like that. if you ask me on a wednesday what i’m doing for the weekend, typically, i’m not really sure, and i’m not ready to commit to anything until closer to the weekend (try me on a friday…afternoon). if you ask me what time my kid’s game is on saturday, usually, i won’t be able to tell you until the day of, and if i do happen to give you a time, it’s probably wrong (the circus’s aunt can testify to that). that’s just how it is. or just how i am, i should say.

with homeschooling, i’ve always felt like this is a bit of a curse. i’ve struggled, tried, pushed myself to be more organized, more pulled together, more ready for each day. i stress about it, but, low and behold, the schedule actually WORKS…for a couple of days. for a couple of days, i am that organized, schedule-y, type A person i so often strive to be.

but then reality sets in.

and i wake up, and i don’t FEEL like doing what’s on my list (blame it on spontaneity). i don’t WANT to do school in the morning. maybe the kids are playing well, and i have peace in the kitchen for a moment. a brief moment to sip coffee and think about the day and just BE for goodness sake. maybe the weather is gorgeous and calling for a park day. or a random field trip or excursion. and i can’t. say. no. 

it’s almost physically impossible.

and there i go.

off on a schedule-tangent.

the type A’s out there are shaking their heads, “shame on you. you made a schedule. all you have to do is STICK TO IT for goodness sake! it’s not hard. don’t you know that now you’re going to have to fit this all in later and probably unconventionally? and most likely out of order? and without a good flow? geez louise. pull yourself together man!”

but guess what? i usually (almost always) like those days better. WAY better. those schedule-tangents? those are the days i’m ME. spontaneous, random, unscheduled, stress-free me.

and guess what else? my kids like it better. those are the days we’re all happiest. we learn the most. we enjoy each other’s company.

there’s a lesson here.

for me, and for you.

it’s simple.

it’s something we’re told since we are able to understand it.

BE YOURSELF.

live life like YOU live life.

not like type A, organized annie down the street, or pinterest party peggie, or messy madison.

like, YOU.

there is only one you, and YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made.

and I, too, am fearfully and wonderfully made.

so today and forward, i’m choosing to embrace me.

xo *