defeated

tonight, i feel defeated.

i feel like throwing in the towel.

from exhaustion, from trying to keep up, from projects left undone, from hasty words and decisions, from life.

tonight, i feel like saying, *i give up.*

i give up.

what am i doing?

why am i doing it?

just. give. in. and. give. up.

you don’t have enough time. i tell myself.

nobody cares. my brain says.

my heart sighs heavy in my chest, and tears rise up in my throat, but i keep them at bay.

push them down.

i will not be defeated.

sometimes, life is hard.

sometimes, it’s exhausting.

sometimes, it feels like we’re not *winning.*

like we’re holding on by the seat of our pants.

by one last, thin, raveling thread, we dangle precariously.

and then i read this. the beautiful words of ann voskamp.

i felt like she wrote them directly to me.

directly. to. me.

did you ann?

did you mean for them to touch me so deeply?

i read your words and my eyes welled up,

*don’t give up. or give in. or compromise. or quit. you’re going to make it.*

i needed those words.

maybe you do to?

to remind you we all struggle.

we all feel like failures at one time or another.

carry on.

you will not fail.

you will be victorious.

blessings always*