i woke up to the dead stare of the sentimental waters of the whirlpool this morning. the hard, cold stare piercing me with thoughts like : that was the last night in your cozy, little home. you get one more day to etch your memories in as permanently as possible. one more time to have coffee on the patio, to roll in the yard with the boys, to dip our toes in the frigid waters of our pool, to help slippery, clean little bodies out of the bath, to type here, to live here. to be here.
after this post, i’m forcing them down. pushing them back under the water. there’s too much to do, to get done. not nearly enough time to have the sentimental moments i dream of. and so today?
dam.
today, that’s what i am. a dam. a strong, sturdy, solid wall holding back the floodgates until it’s time to release the waters. i’m doing this for me, for the boys, for the sanity of anyone i encounter. perhaps tonight, when warm little babies are tucked into their beds, and the house is still and quiet, i’ll release them, but for now {dam it!} there’s work to be done! and a new house that is just waiting for our energy and our verve to fill it to the top with our circus-like craziness! and dam, that’s flippin’ awesome!
so enough with the sentimentality, the floodgates can be released later on. for the time being, let’s have a dam good weekend!
cheers!
Your Mama - Boy Stacer, you have opened the floodgates of memories. This all sounds exactly like our life 27 years ago. You were 2-1/2 and your snister was 6 months old when we left Spokane to move back to Montana. We were leaving behind our very first house, the house that both of our babies were introduced to when they were born. I cried all the way to the Idaho/Montana border the day we left. All those emotions of “firsts” were now left behind. So even now, our home becomes even homier when you and your snister are here. Even though it is such an emotional roller coaster for you right now, you have got the best memories of a happy family that inhabited your first home. Your pictures and this blog will always be there to help you remember all of your “firsts.” I am sad and cry with you, but excited for you, as well. I can’t wait to see all the fun memories that you guys will have in your new home. Just as you have said, which is so so true, it’s the people that make the home, not the house itself. And always remember I love you!
patti - My floodgates openned for you!! love ya <3