the so-called stage was set. the calendar was hung. the whiteboard up. the books spread strategically across the table with a front row view of the world map. each little bin brimming with new binders and notebooks and markers exuding bits of joy and anticipation and…if you’re me, stress (let’s be real shall we?)
this was the scene of our kitchen table slash school room on sunday night; the night before our first day of school. i wish i could paint for you an exquisite watercolor with words, each brush stroke, each elaborate adjective, highlighting our homeschool days in a whimsical, beautiful, creative and wild way. but that would be inaccurate. and unfair.
the reality is : homeschooling is hard work. and at the beginning of each year, i’m filled with self doubt, and trepidation, and the almost unquenchable urge to google search if there are other school options available that i’ve overlooked.
when no schools present themselves, my prayer life shoots through the roof and sounds something like this,
Me: “hey, God. me, again. hey…are you SURE you want us to homeschool? like, sure, sure? because let’s be honest, i stink at organizing and scheduling; i’m so far from type A it’s not even funny.”
God: “quit worrying. i’ve got this.”
Me: “yeah, but…you know me God. i hate routine. and structure. and being stuck at home all day. and how am i possibly going to school my kids at home if i don’t even want to be at home?”
God: “i brought you here. i’ll equip you. quit whining.”
and so on and so forth. back and forth with God because honestly, had you asked me years ago, before kids were in the picture, i never, NEVER would have told you we were planning on homeschooling. the thought didn’t even cross my mind.
until God changed my heart. (i kind of love how He does that)
and here we are. our 4th (4th!) year of homeschooling.
our 4th first day of school.
(wrecking ball : the year before preschool in which your child reeks havoc wherever he/she goes. 24/7.)
it’s still a challenge. some days are nothing short of a battle. but it’s also gratifying in ways that nothing else could be. when you move from raising your kids to raising and educating them, the stakes are higher, but so are the pay offs.
i was nervous about starting school this year. stressed and doubting myself as i do every year. but i prayed, and prayed, and prayed (and will continue to pray) that God would show me that this is still where He wants us to be. that He would give me the wisdom, diligence, and consistency i need to school 3 kids and a wrecking ball; and this afternoon, i found the answer to my prayers lovingly written on a notecard and laying across my pillow:
owen. bless his heart. even if his spelling is less than perfect, this little note let me know without a doubt that for now, we are right where we’re supposed to be.