squeezing it all in * the pursuit

balance. juggling. happy equilibrium. prioritizing. squeezing it all in. and other things.

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i think i’ve started and re-started this post about a gazillion times. write, write, write. no, that sounds awful. *click, click, click* deleted. write, write. no, that’s worse. grr. maybe if i just take a teeny, tiny break… {days later} write, write, write. crap.

so either this is a tricky topic or i’ve lost my touch. let’s all cross our fingers that it’s the first one ok? good. glad that’s settled.

the point is : lately i’m having trouble squeezing it all in. you know being a wife, a mommy, an individual, keeping the house in organized disarray clean, scrounging for cooking dinner, grocery shopping, laundry, blogging, working, booking new sessions, socializing and yada yada yada. maybe it’s simply the fact that we’ve added another little body into the mix with her own needs/wants or maybe it’s that i’m an inherently unorganized, non-schedule-y kind of a gal {you know, the one that gets abstract random on her personality test. yeah. that’s me.} i’m working on that. so controlled chaos is kind of my thing :0)

and as i sit here and stare at my screen, i guess i’m still really not sure what my point is exactly. i think i just needed to blow some steam because i know, know, KNOW i am not the only mama out there that feels like this. that has trouble prioritizing and trying to squeeze everything into it’s perfect place; that’s trying to find that place of happy equilibrium where everything is as it should be; and where we don’t feel like some days we’re being a neglectful mother, or a disgraceful blogger, or a pathetic housekeeper or, or, or…

so, i guess you could say, i’m in the pursuit.

the pursuit of what? a drill sergeant schedule? a perfectly regulated family and household that ticks when it should tick and tocks when it should tock? nope. just the pursuit of satisfaction. of moderately controlled chaos. of accomplishment when it IS moderately controlled. of time well spent and well allocated.

let’s just clarify. i’m not a neat freak, or a schedule person, and if the laundry is smiling up at me from a washing machine that ran yesterday and the dishes are piling up because i chose to play baseball after dinner instead, then more power to me {holla!} but just as some days look like that, other days i find that the dishes are calling my name and baseball takes a backseat until they’re complete; or perhaps a rare day that the coffee shop beckons me. just. me.

i just want to feel like i’m doing my best. at everything. and that’s hard. and not always possible. i’m learning. but what means the most to me is that my kids are happy. that they know they are loved, whether or not the laundry is 100% complete or the dishes are in the sink or the cupboard. because that’s my fear. that i will take too much time cleaning and laundering and other things that seem so much less important than raising my kids. in reality, there is a place for each of these too. and there is a balance. i’m looking for it. i’m in the pursuit. some days i find it. some days i don’t. but i’m always, always in the pursuit.

*do you know you are loved? oh, so very much!*

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and whether or not i made sense or we connected or you understand or you don’t…i feel better. so thank you.

and now, i’m off! on the pursuit : of life and all it’s beautiful challenges…sleep tight…

stacey - you are SO welcome! isn’t it great knowing that others feel the same?? you’re not alone, yay! and as always, i applaud you for putting your kiddos first! hope you all have transitioned into a family of 4 smoothly! xoxo

Stephanie - Thank you yet again Stacey in helping me feel not so guilty about my piles of laundry that need to folded and the toys on the floor we have to obstacle around daily. The feeling of knowing that our little ones are loved and memories were made at the end of the day makes my life complete! And I must add your little Sweet Pea is such a cutie!!

stacey - so true! and we do enjoy every minute with our crew! sometimes it’s just hard to master the disfunction that comes with it 🙂 xoxo

Michele - I am reminded of those days, having three little ones, and then having three more in my inhome daycare, husband at work all day, and him going to school three nights a week to finish his college degree. My mother in law kept telling me it was a stage, and “that too shall pass”. And now it has passed, and I look back and only remember the cute little faces, smiling up at me when we made cookies, or reading a book, or playing outside in sunshine or snow. It goes by quickly, enjoy, and love every minute, cause it does pass, and oh so fast!

stacey - SO happy to hear i made sense and that i connected with you guys! it really was a struggle to write, to put my thoughts and what i’ve been feeling on ‘paper’, but i do feel better and hope you are encouraged knowing you are not alone {lindsey!} we all feel this way to some degree and it’s OK 🙂 sending good ‘pursuing’ vibes to each of you! xoxo!

Lindsey P - Your words ring so true to how I’m feeling being a new mommy. You are also the second blogger I follow who has written about this topic in the last week. I’m coming to understand and embrace the fact that things won’t always be done at the same time and thst is perfectly ok. Thsnks for your words – it helps to know others are in the same bost. Miss you!

Angela - Very well said! I’m with you and the pics of your sweet babies are PRECIOUS!!!

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